In one sentence, I want to celebrate, what I most hate about myself. Starting with my most hated feature, my forehead. It's funny how something so insignificant as a forehead can impact the rest of your life. How you perceive yourself and others, for good and bad. I've been told that my forehead is so big it makes me look like I'm balding. I remember when I started Junior High, a boy told me I wouldn't be so ugly if I wore bangs to cover up my forehead. I took that to heart, and I have never gone without bangs since. But it wasn't enough. I have a huge calic. Which prevented me from covering my forehead, and allowing kids from pointing it out. They used to call me Super Penny. Which is now kind of funny, but at the time was torture. They would chant it as I walked into class. They made up this story about how my forehead is so big that it would reflect off light and zap people. They would ask me, "how many people did you kill today, Penny?" I would try to shake it off with some joke, but I made my mind up that I must be really ugly. And their insults just kept confirming it. In fact, I remember one kid saying to me, "Penny, you could be a carney, you have small hands, small feet, small teeth, and a huge forehead. The perfect freak." When I figured out how to work with my calic, and cover my forehead entirely, the comments on it stopped. And really I felt like, so long as I hid part of me, I looked pretty. But it never stopped, there was always something else I thought looked just as ugly. But I'm going to let go, starting now.
I hope I can best explain, that although these are thoughts and feelings I still struggle with, I know that I can move past them. That they don't have to dictate who I am as a person. For the first time, in more than 12 years, I pulled back my bangs and went out in public. I have to say, no one noticed, not even my own family. Which in some way, was relieving. My forehead wasn't so big it distracted people from their everyday lives and made them notice it more than just me and my presence.
When all is said and done. I love my forehead, because it has made me sensitive, kind hearted, not apt to make judgements on people and their appearances. To know that beneath every person is someone who is just as sensitive about their looks as me. I want people to know, I may be plain looking but that is not a reflection on me as a person. Its time a take a moment to celebrate me too.
